Spiritual Bulimia

In the medical/psychiatric world there is a disease called Bulimia Nervosa and is classified as an eating disorder that is common among adolescents (5%-25%). Due to its high prevalence and also morbidity (1%-15%) the public has been made aware of its existence and also many of the signs and symptoms. Many people understand how devastating this disease can be to the mind, however, not as many are aware of its debilitating effects on the rest of the body. In fact, up to 40% of those afflicted with this disease will present to the emergency room or family doctor with some problem induced by their bulimia. The following are just a few examples:
*Electrolyte imbalances --> confusion, fatigue, seizures, coma
*Metabolic acidosis --> end organ damage, coma
*Increased blood urea nitrogen (BUN) - a measure of kidney function (the higher it goes the worse it is)
*Esophageal tears --> acute blood loss, anemia, neoplasia
*Decalcification of teath
*Parotid (salivary glands) swelling and increased amylase
*Altered thyroid and cortisol functions --> vast hormone irregularities
O.K. so now we know some of the medical symptoms, but what are some of the signs? Regardless of the cause of bulimia the signs are pretty much the same. There is a period of binge eating (eating more in one setting than one would normally eat or what is considered to be normal; this can be as much as 5000 kcal/day) followed by an extensive period of either purging, use of laxatives, or extreme exercise.
Living a life this way is not healthy, nor compatible, for the human body. The body does all it can to compensate but will eventually lose in the end. The body cannot keep up and healthy store of energy and will resort to its emergency reserves, which is like using plastic to keep a wood fire going longer; it puts off some heat and energy but the byproducts are toxic.
The other day in priesthood we were discussing the acquisition and allocation of knowledge. We discussed the different types of knowledge, its sources, and application in our lives. When discussing the retention of said knowledge I came up with the analogy of Academic Bulimia and how this type of studying might have got me through my undergraduate program but is very detrimental to my graduate studies. Academic bulimia consists of the same concept of "binge and purge." The night before the test I would binge on as much material as I possibly could and then purge it the next morning onto the answer key. Once it was out though it was never coming back and I quickly forgot it. Again, it got me through my undergraduate studies, but my graduate studies suffered with it. I had to find a new way of studying (still looking). This is information that I will be required to know so that I may be successful in my career.
As the discussion continued on I started thinking about the concept of Spiritual Bulimia. In essence it's the same thing. We might come to times in our lives (like preparing for a talk or a class) when we need to binge on gospel information so that they next day we might purge it and sound smart. Occasionally we'll take the time to intensely study a gospel topic, only to forget it the following week because of not applying it in our lives. Just as in Bulimia Nervosa or Academic Bulimia, when that unexpected time comes for a sudden need of energy or information to make a right decision and not fall into temptation, we just might find ourselves in a spiritual coma.
Paul understood this concept of the need for a correct pattern of study. In his letter to Timothy he wrote, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase into more ungodliness," (2 Tim 2:15-16). To the Israelites the Lord gives this commandment, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success," (Josh 1:8).
This gospel is one that requires daily "study and meditation" as the Lord states so that we might constantly have that knowledge to guide us in our everyday lives. Even if it is for just a short period a day, daily study and application will burn the knowledge not only into our minds but into our hearts as well. Then, when that moment comes for us to call upon that knowledge to lead us out of temptation or danger, it will be there and we won't have to rely on our carnal emergent reserves that produce more toxic effects than they do helpful.
If you're use to binging and purging than I suggest start taking small bites at a time. Get back to the basics, then gradually increase your sources and time spent. This information isn't only for use on the Sabbath in our talks or classes.

Lack of Feeling

In my limited experience as a PA students I've come across many different types of patients presenting with many different problems. These problems have ranged from acute to chronic pain, diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, mental disorders, fatigue, ingrown toenails, recent traumas requiring suturing, congestive heart failure, dyspnea, and the list goes on. When facing each problem one must take a systematic approach to it's origin and the best, most cost effective approach to treating it. After going through a thorough history and physical (including labs and tests) I offer each patient a list of options, with my opinion of what would give the most desirable results and the most tolerable methods. I emphasize the need for healthy life habits, including the reduction of certain substances and foods, the need for increased physical activity, and the judicious use of certain medications. With that list the patient has the option to chose which treatment regime they would prefer, and financially able to do. Every patient walks out with the understanding of the risks involved with not following through with proper treatment.
In those cases of actual physical pain I see an increased compliance to therapies that I have recommended. Now don't get me wrong, there are many out there who only want to take medicine until the pain goes away and don't want to do anything else, but they at least take their medicine. The instances where I see the least compliance in following treatment is in those cases of diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and other similar, chronic disorders that have very little symptoms at the early stages of the disease. If left untreated these diseases can eventually lead to coronary artery disease, diabetic retinopathy/nephropathy/neuropathy, and other serious problems. Eventually the patient will come in desperately looking for relief.
So with these disease states leading to such catastrophic events why is it that someone wouldn't want to nip them in the bud and prevent the progress into such problems by adhering to professionally recommended therapies? Cost is one of them, but I'm convinced that there are two other very important factors: lack of patient education, and lack of feeling. The prior is the easiest to resolve. With a new diagnosis of certain diseases the provider can easily explain the disease process and steps necessary to prevention of progression. Once the patient is informed the rest is up to them.
The lack of "feeling", I believe, is the number one reason for patient non-compliance for three very common diseases; diabetes, hypertension (high blood pressure), hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol). When asking the patient if he/she is taking their medications as prescribed, following and maintaining a healthy diet, and exercising regularly the provider comes across a myriad of responses. "I'm just too tired after work to exercise," "I've just been forge ting to take my medications," "I don't have time to prepare a healthy meal," "es que no me siento malo (I just don't feel bad)". All of those responses can be stripped away of the justifications and translated into "No, I haven't made the effort." And the number one reason for not making the effort is the last answer, "I don't feel bad (or I don't feel any different if I take or not take my medications)." This lack of feeling gives the patient a false hope of comfort and leads them down a slippery slope to an illness which they won't recover from, regardless of if they become compliant at that point.
In my limited experience in the gospel I've noticed similar conditions; lack of feeling leading to complacency and gospel non-compliance. At the time we will say that we don't feel any different if we obey, or don't obey, certain commandments. We feel at times that they are more restrictive then freeing and that sinning a little will not be that bad in the long run. Nephi said it well when he prophesied of the philosophies of our day, "Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die...there is no harm in this...and if we be guilty, God will punish us with but a few stripes..." (2 Nephi 28:7-8). We let little sins (like diabetes, hypertension, and hyperlipidemia) run free throughout our body without making but a small effort to control and put a stop to them. Sure we might occasionally peruse the scriptures or pray but refuse to make those changes in our lives which will halt our problems in their tracks. Just as occasionally, or only, taking your medication and not making any lifestyle modifications with DM, HTN, or HLD will only partially control those diseases, so will occasionally following God's commandments partially allow you to be truly "healed."
Only when the disease progresses and we are suffering from congestive heart failure, heart attack, blindness, limb amputation, and renal failure do we look to God and ask him to "heal me!" Then we feel the pain of our choices and look to be compliant. By this time, however, it is too late. The disease has run its course, the devil has you bound with his strong cords, and death is inevitable. Unlike these physical illnesses, God's mercy is abounding and salvation is possible but much, much more difficult to attain. Christ's atonement was an infinite one, but as we let time pass without invoking it in our lives the price we must pay increases. That is when we feel the burden of the consequences of our actions, that is when we become gospel compliant.
Oh how much easier it would have been if we would have just listened to that great "Physician" in the first place and followed the recommended therapy program?! How much more cost and time effective would it have been?! How much pain could we have avoided if only we "took our medications and made those lifestyle modifications"?!
Even though we might not feel bad, or any different, at the time let me assure you that there is an underlying problem coursing through each and every one of our bodies that, if not taken care of now, not later, will lead to total system failure and an unpleasant life. Joshua said it well when he commanded Israel "Sanctify yourselves against tomorrow: for thus saith the LORD God of Israel, There is an accursed thing in the midst of thee, O Israel: thou canst not stand before thine enemies, until ye take away the accursed from among you." (Joshua 7:13)
Only through Christ's atonement and strict obedience to his commandments can we take that accursed thing from among us. Let us not wait until we have to lose a foot, or an eye, or even our heart to make that decision. It is far easier now to handle than it will be in the future.

"...becometh as a child...willing to submit to all things...."

Yesterday in the clinic I had a 6 year old patient was brought in who had gotten a piece of glass stuck in her big toe and it had been covered over by a granuloma. There was a noticeable firm bump on the dorsal aspect on her toe that wasn't inflamed much or red to the touch but it was slightly tender and hurt more when she walked. Mom said that earlier in the week she had gotten another piece out and thought that was it, but was now worried that there was more because the toe hadn't healed yet. To be able to probe for this piece of glass and then remove it mom and the girl were told that we would have to numb up her toe with a medication, and that this was going to be through a shot. I was in another room at the time with another patient while this was being explained and you could tell the moment the word "shot" was said...maybe "shot"was the wrong word to say. The girl started screaming and crying and saying that she didn't want to do it and wanted to go home instead. Her cries could be heard through the whole clinic. We finally got her into the procedure room and prepared the needle with the lidocaine. We had her lay down and mom and my preceptor help restrain her while I injected her toe. Just the mere sight of the needle made her shriek in horror. After much squirming and restraining we finally got her toe numb but this didn't get rid of the fear of the sight of a needle. To probe in the granuloma I had to use a larger needle (18 gauge), and even though I know she couldn't feel it, every time she saw the needle she screamed and tried to bring foot back. I found the piece of glass and then tried removing it with some forceps but it was too large and angled wrong to be removed from the tiny whole that I had made in the granuloma. During the procedure every time I switched between the probe needle and the forceps the girl screamed more. Many times during she would say to her mother, through tears and cries, "you said it wouldn't hurt but you lied. It does hurt! Tell them to pull it out." After the procedure was over we sat the little girl back up, cleaned her wound, put some antibiotic cream on it, and then bandaged it up. During that the little girl was quite pleasent and even picked out the color of coban used to wrap it up. She was smiling and happy and didn't resent me, my preceptor, or her mother for the pain, torture, or lies that we put her through. It's like the past 10 minutes didn't even happen.
Now I know that she remembered the pain that she felt and that she knew who put her through it, but after the ordeal that didn't seem to matter. She quickly returned to her happy little self. No resentment, hatred, or betrayal was felt or expressed. As I sat in my room later that night I started thinking about that specific event. How quickly she was to forgive us three who had held her down against her will, repeatedly stabbed sharp objects and burning injections into her skin, and told her "lies" that it wouldn't hurt much. Those didn't seem to matter anymore now that she was feeling better, and no more needles were in sight. How easy it was for her to go back trusting in her mother. How quickly she turned to be able to play with me while bandaging up her toe, even though I was the one poking around in her foot. None of the pain seemed to matter anymore, just 5 minutes later. My mind was then brought to the book of Mosiah, chapter 3, verse 19: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
How often do we continue to hold grudges, or hatred for those whole have wronged us? How many years do we let go by not forgiving someone for something they did to us? How often do we even remember what that offense was? How long will we let our pride keep us from enjoying those relationships that we once enjoyed? How often do we blame the Lord for our pains? The pain was real, those feelings of mistrust and betrayal existed and affected us, our toe was left with a bloody hole in it, now we're left to make a decision; live in the past and continually feel the pain and mistrust, or become as a child, submissive and meek, willing to submit to all things.
Two principles we can learn from this ordeal and scripture. 1) It is possible to forgive someone for the pain that they intentionally caused us. Just as this child readily forgave me we can forgive others. For her it was easy but for us it's a little more difficult. For us it can only be done if we implement the atonement of Christ in our lives. Only his atonement makes it possible for us to feel comfort and learn to forgive. If we chose to remain in our pride and not forgive then we willingly reject the atonement of Christ in our own lives. 2) The Lord will allow trials and hardships in our lives and will even be there to "hold us down" while the injection takes place. It's not because he wants to inflict pain on us, but he knows the overall outcome of the ordeal and the proper healing that will come from it. He knows what growth can come from such experiences. We can either try to kick against the pricks, or submit to his will "in all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him." Those times will be painful, we will want to scream and cry and ask the Lord "to make them take it out" but if we have faith in him and His Son's atonement, after the ordeal we will be able to laugh and smile again, quickly forgetting the pain and quickly forgiving the one who inflicted it.
Let us learn from the example of children. Let us strive to take the principles taught to us in the scriptures. There will come times of pain and hardship, but they will be brief. The pain will only last as long as we allow it to. Only through Christ's atonement can we put off our natural man and become receptive to the enticing of the Spirit, which will make the pain go away.

Death's Hidden Beauty

I know, I know, it's not the most uplifting title I've ever come up with and it's certainly not a subject that is very pleasing to think about, but I've come to find a great solace in it's meaning.

With the onset of fall we see many changes in our environment. The days become shorter, mornings and evenings are getting cooler, and the foliage is preparing for the long grasp of winter. With little time left to enjoy the outdoors without having your ears fall off because of frostbite I decided to grab my bike and take it up a trail that I have previously been up this summer. I heard that the leaves had started to change color and that it was beautiful up there, so I decided to take advantage of a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I called my buddy, threw the bikes in the Jeep and headed up to the trail. I've blogged about it before and you can find it under the Gibson Jack Trail description on my other site.

We started up the trail and no sooner do you get into the canyon do you see the collage of different shades of greens, reds, oranges, and yellows. It's a beautiful site to see and to ride through. Not only have the trees started to prepare but the wildflowers as well. Most of the flower pedals have died and fallen off a long time ago and what remains are dried up stalks and leaves. This gives the ground a beautiful tan-brown color contrasted against the variant tree colors. The pine trees still remain their majestic dark green shade as they have for years. Seeing all these colors mixed together brings amazement to the mind at these wonderful creations.

Last week while I was down in Ogden I took the opportunity Sunday afternoon to take a relaxing drive up Ogden canyon and the Old Snowbasin Road to see the same thing, changing of the leaves. It's still a little early in the season to see the full change but it has already begun. I stopped off at one of my favorite overlook points along the drive to catch both Mt Ogden and also Pineview. Of course I took pictures to compare and contrast from when I was up there in spring.

I digress back to my title. What does the changing of the colors have to do with death's hidden beauty? Most of us know that these color changes happen just before the leaves die and fall off. Interestingly enough though is that leaves have already started dying a long time ago and this change of colors is part of that process.

I'm not a botanist but I do know that these intrinsic colors exist in the living leaf at all stages of its life but they are masked behind the powerful effects of chlorophyll and the brilliant green that it produces. This green produced by chlorophyll will persist and overpower the other colors as long is there is adequate water supply to give the tree the nutrients and energy it needs to sustain life. When that water supply diminishes and the tree can no longer sustain the vast amount of leaves it produces it sacrifices these appendages and stores that energy for itself to survive the winter. With this sacrifice energy is diverted from the chlorophyll and those brilliant oranges, yellows, and reds shine forth in all their glory right before the leaf is to perish. One can say that the trees true colors are manifested right before its leaves fall off. Many people venture out into the wild to see this magnificent transition from life to death, and most are amazed by the beauty that it brings. Now the question is can we apply this concept in our own mortal existence?

Like those deciduous trees, each of us have a "chlorophyll" that keeps us green until that time we are to traverse the wintered grasp of death. When the time comes for us or for those we love to pass through this transition of death we see a similar effect. Our chlorophyll effects begin to weaken and our true colors come forth. These colors are manifested in our actions and attitudes once we are faced with our own mortality. What become the reds, yellows, and oranges in our lives? Are they our experiences? What about our hopes? Maybe they're the examples we left for others. Whatever the case may be those colors will eventually shine through.

Unfortunately for most people, death is a grizzly, ugly topic that only brings pain and misery. Because of those feelings the world associates with death, they are blinded to the natural beauty that it brings out. Many times the world asks, "why me?" or "why them?" How can a loving God let such an ugly thing as death exist in this world? Why do disease and infirmity exist to torture His people?

Without the knowledge brought about through the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ we too would find ourselves viewing death this same way. However, that glorious revelation about the atonement of Jesus Christ sheds new light on the subject of death. As Paul said, “Oh death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor 15: 55, 57) Although death is still difficult for many of us, we are able to appreciate the beauty that shines forth because of it…knowing that after that long winter has passed, we will be brought up again in miraculous resurrection to our former, glorious green selves never again to fade way.

Death we cannot stop. Death we cannot avoid. We can however jump on our bikes and ride into its wilderness, appreciating it for all its beauty.

Always There

Why does it always feel like when we need some help we run across someone who needs it more? Ok maybe it doesn't happen to everyone but it sure seems to happen to me quite frequently. Through these ordeals I've come to learn a couple of lessons: 1) Have an attitude of grattitude and 2) the Lord is always, and will always be there.
Not more than a few moments ago I was laying in bed going over in mind kind some things that were troubling me. Just some thoughts and feelings that I've been going over for a couple of weeks now. As I lay there thinking/conversing with the Lord I received a message from a friend that I haven't talked with in a while. This friend wanted to see how things were going not just as a formality to our friendship but also wanted to know how I was doing mentally/emotionally as well. I thought it kind of ironic that she would ask that question. However, we never really did get into the subject of how I was doing because I noticed that it was she that really could benefit from someone to talk to. Nothing serious, just a friendly ear and some quirky remarks.
What did I learn from this? The most important lesson is that no matter what the situation, the Lord is always there to bless and help is children. He works by small and simple means, very simple means if I'm one of those ways. Sometimes it's when we step out of our own problems to be that "friendly ear" for someone else we realize that all will be well. Our problems might not be resolved easily, but we can take comfort in knowing that they will just as we were there to help our friends. When we're there for others we will realize that the Lord is there for us. We can take comfort in Elder Scott's counsel on receiving answers for our prayers when he said that many times we won't receive a specific answer, but a peace knowing that our prayers have been heard and will be answered.

Living Waters

I come to notice that many of the small things in life are little reminders to help us keep our thoughts on the Lord. Going throughout our day, it’s so easy, unfortunately, to forget about the Lord and his goodness towards us. How often do we think about him while we’re riding the train to work? Or during that ten minute break between classes? And when we do remember him and think about him during those little moments in our life what is the real reason? Is it because we need something from him? Do we only think on him when it’s convenient for us? How many times throughout the day do we remember that He is the King of kings, the Lord of host, our Savior?

Sometimes I fear it’s not enough. We covenant that we will “…always remember him…” and yet, in my own life, I know I struggle with it daily. Sometimes it’s hard to think on him when all you see in the news and around the world is the work of evil going on. Sitting in a fireside one day, I heard the speaker, brother Cal Stevens, say, “If you’re not careful and focused on the kingdom of God you will only become discouraged. Satan’s kingdom receives all the publicity.”

That’s why I decided to start this particular blog titled “He’s Just Saying…” Hopefully it will not only help me try harder to remember him but to also keep my eyes open for those subtle little reminders that he constantly sends. Hopefully, it will also help those who read it ponder on those “small and simple means” as Alma puts it and look for them in their own lives. Here goes the first entry…

Last week I had the privilege of going with my father to hike a part of the Grand Canyon known as Havasupai Falls. It was a beautiful place. One that is full of brilliant, bright blue-green waters, cascades of raw energy, all of which are reminders of the hand of the Lord.

During the hike I took particular notice about the importance of water for living beings. Two instances I witnessed caused me to ponder on this important substance formed between two elements of hydrogen and one of oxygen. Think about it, three little elements with a combined mass of ten atoms, eight neutrons, and ten electrons bound together through two covalent “s orbital” bonds determine whether an entity lives, or dies. Water’s potential to give live stems from it’s multi-use in a system: It serves as a medium of transportation for solid particles such as nutrients, gas particles such as oxygen and carbon dioxide; it serves as a conductor for electricity, used to send signals throughout the system; it keeps a system temperature at an optimal, operable level; it’s uses are many and it’s necessity binds all life together. Every living cell contains water within its cell structure.

Now the first instance happened while making the hike down to Supai village. The night prior to our hike it had rained a little. Now it wasn’t much rain and only lasted about ten minutes, but in a desert any water is crucial. While on the hike down we passed a few puddles that had been formed from last night’s rain. They couldn’t have held more than two or three glasses of water in each, but they were full of life! In each puddle swam hundreds of little tadpoles that had sprout to life with this little gift from heaven. This water would soon dry up and these tadpoles would perish with it, but just thinking at how fast life is given with the advent of water, and how fast it can be taken away with its disappearance caused me to think about our Savior and his claim to “Living Waters.” This same principle I saw in the Grand Canyon that day applies to each of our lives. Every little drop from these “living waters” brings new life. It restores that which was once desolate. And how quickly does it restore! It doesn’t take much for someone to feel the love of the Savior and be blessed by his tender mercies. In fact, it’s these tender mercies that bring new life or new meaning to our lives. And just as fast as his love and influence can bring new life to us, the absence of these mercies bring with them emptiness, darkness, and despair. “The sting of death is sin,” as Pail said to the Corinthians, and this sin is what carries us away from the tender mercies of Christ’s life giving waters.

The next experience happened just a day later while hiking down towards Beaver Falls. We were hiking along the trail and I was marveling at the beautiful oasis created by this river at the bottom of the largest canyon in the world, located in a desert. Around the river flowers were blooming, trees grew tall and proud, shrubbery carpeted the floor, and animals lived in luxury of shade and food; all this because a river runs through it. Yet, not more than just a few meters up the canyon wall was desolation. Not much could be found above the water table except for a few cacti and other bushes that had learned to survive on such scarce rations of this water. And it wasn’t far, maybe only two meters below flows this live giving substance, two meters. Again, I was touched upon by the Spirit in remembrance of how important constantly having the Savior in our lives is important. It’s just not enough to know of him and be somewhat close to him. You have to know him, have access to him, and be right there next to him! Like the river, his path is set and flows constantly, consistently downstream towards the same destination. Our progression in this life and our growth depends on where we chose to “plant our seed and take root.” Living life two meters away just won’t cut it. Elder N. Eldon Tanner said, “We cannot be nearly honest, partially chaste or virtuous, or half-heartedly benevolent. We must be totally dedicated,” when speaking of the thirteenth article of faith, and it applies here too. Living somewhat close to the teachings of the Savior and periodically partaking of the “runoff” will not give us the life we could have if we lived right next to them and constantly partook of its goodness. Our life will be that of a cactus, when it could be that of an ash or cottonwood.

These were just two reminders that I saw while on the trails of Havasupai. There were many more but these two stuck out to me particularly due to their commonality in theme. I hope that this also has helped you to open your eyes and always be on the lookout for those “small and simple means” that the Lord uses to keep you in remembrance of him.